Curse

sino-soviet · Sep 28, 2005, 06:11 AM // 06:11

Can anyone give me any dancing tips?

Aetherfox · Sep 28, 2005, 06:56 AM // 06:56

doh. what sort of dancing, and where. no point being a pro at latin dancing if you go to a club that plays electronica. =p

dancing is just an excuse for girls to put their arms around your neck and stare into your eyes as you hold their waist and hold them close to you, hah. but i'm cynical.

i guess if it's your first time you'll probably look a bit silly, what can you do. probably sit for awhile and watch people, have a few drinks with her, smile. focus on her, not on the dance, don't step on her toes.

MuKen · Sep 28, 2005, 03:42 PM // 15:42

As a semi-offtopic aside, don't take advice on pursuing women from women. When it comes to romantic inclinations, nobody understands their own wants as much as the people around them who either observe or pursue them. I'll freely admit I have no clue what attracts me to a girl and if you wanted to know what I look for you'd be far better off asking people I've dated rather than asking me.

If you look for advice from women you'll just get what they wished people who they already liked would do, not what you can do to get them to like you in the first place.

Polloloco3 · Sep 28, 2005, 08:16 PM // 20:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuKen

If you look for advice from women you'll just get what they wished people who they already liked would do, not what you can do to get them to like you in the first place.

Hehe pretty good I would say.

As for dancing its good to know what you are getting into, dancing wise. Clubs are, in my opinion, not the best place to get to know someone. Theres loud music, too much penis (aka competition), and alcohol around to really hit a connection. If I ever take a girl to a club its after a while of knowing her and if she really likes dancing, then I will make the exception.

What kind of dancing are you going to be doin Soviet?

Zaklex · Sep 28, 2005, 08:34 PM // 20:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuKen

If you look for advice from women you'll just get what they wished people who they already liked would do, not what you can do to get them to like you in the first place.

No, actually what you will get is what they want from anyone, not just someone they would like to be asked out by. It doesn't change from person to person, it'll be the same regardless.

Polloloco3 · Sep 28, 2005, 08:43 PM // 20:43

I would say if a girl came to me looking for advice on how to hit on a guy it would honestly vary. I have different wants then say another guy, so advice I give her may not work.

I think the bottom line is everyone is different and everyone has that special something that just makes them open up to another person. Something hits and sticks with them that they remember you and its not the same from person to person. What MuKen said does make sense if you really think about it.

Zaklex · Sep 28, 2005, 09:20 PM // 21:20

No, no, you misunderstood what he said, read it again.

Polloloco3 · Sep 28, 2005, 09:27 PM // 21:27

Well with that respect you could say hes right. I mean if you ask an opinion from someone they may think of that person they like and what they would wish that person would do. Like some girls may think about that studly guy and wish he came up with a rose in their mouth and a zebra thong, but what about the fat chubby kid that likes her? He has to take a different approach as to getting a girl to notice him.

zehly · Sep 28, 2005, 09:28 PM // 21:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaklex

No, no, you misunderstood what he said, read it again.

I'm glad someone understands this thread. Seems like a lot of conjecture to me. How do you expect to understand women when women don't even understand women?

Polloloco3 · Sep 28, 2005, 09:29 PM // 21:29

Zehly are you a woman that likes women? If so you really do not count because you are just as frustrated as us men! lol

MuKen · Sep 28, 2005, 09:39 PM // 21:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaklex

No, actually what you will get is what they want from anyone, not just someone they would like to be asked out by. It doesn't change from person to person, it'll be the same regardless.

My point, though, is what they want from anyone is not necessarily the same as what will get them to want you.

A person (not specifically a woman) does not have an objective view of what approaches work on them. So when you ask them, you end up just getting the same effect as "What would you like people who are interested in you to do?" which for 99% of people is different from "What could someone who's interested in you do to get you to be interested in them?"

Whereas if you poll the group of people that are trying to do the attracting, rather than the objects of those attempts, you are getting a group that is objective (or at least a lot more so) and has experimental evidence, something the target does not have at all since they probably aren't even aware of all the people that fell into the "friends trap" or any number of other pitfalls that precede actually asking them on a date.

For example, there is some portion of people for which the "play it cool/hard-to-get" approach will work. However if you ask them, they will never tell you this because they don't want other people who like them to play it cool. In fact, it is my observation that this group of people in particular are the most likely to tell you they want to be approached directly, since even if they don't return the attraction, it boosts there ego. (ego is the reason they are obsessed with the "hard-to-get" person in the first place...)

Zaklex · Sep 28, 2005, 10:15 PM // 22:15

Then count me the exception to your opinion(it's not a rule and we're all entitled to our opinions).

conker · Sep 28, 2005, 10:18 PM // 22:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by sino-soviet

Well, I took all the advice which you all gave me and just went for it. I just popped the question after talking to her twice in total. She said YES. WOOOHOOOO! Problem now is that she wants to go to a dance. That would be swell, except I can't dance. Problems just don't end.

nice dude congrats

see i told u guys earlier u dont need 2 know the girl to ask her out lol.... oooh and for dancing lessions, ask ur mom, most moms are obsessed w/ dancing lol seriously.... or ask a friends mom

Zaklex · Sep 28, 2005, 10:20 PM // 22:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polloloco3

Zehly are you a woman that likes women? If so you really do not count because you are just as frustrated as us men! lol

Is that really important and does it matter, everyones opinion counts, and that's all these are, our opinions. So chill out and back off, leave the young lady out of this, and keep your preceived prejudices to yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by conker

nice dude congrats

see i told u guys earlier u dont need 2 know the girl to ask her out lol....

True, you don't need to know her, but it is easier if you do.

Autumn_Leaf · Sep 28, 2005, 10:28 PM // 22:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by sino-soviet

Can anyone give me any dancing tips?

lol. just practice dancing infront of the mirrior.

p.s. make sure your alone and all the doors are locked because the last thing u want is the girl walking in and you looking like a fool.

me: i at times dance in the middle of class for no apparent reason. i sway my hands and hips while moving side to side. well thats just me.

good luck with the dance thing. these days people just move side to side anyways or just stand at the side talking to their friends, waiting for the slow song then its just put your hands on the girl's shoulder and hip,(pause) then move side to side.

i'm 5'9 myself and skinny, your not the only one. also asian that can't do ddr.never really tried though.

zehly · Sep 28, 2005, 10:35 PM // 22:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by sino-soviet

Can anyone give me any dancing tips?

The best dancing tip I can give you is to not dance. That's right, don't dance. Calling it dancing makes it sound stupid. Let your body go. Focus your thoughts inward and enjoy the beauty of the music that you are listening to (if it's techno/dance/trance, you're definately on the right track, but don't dance to country, rap, or KISS). "Dancing" isn't about "the MOVES" it's about "the MOODS". It's your body, move the way you want, don't let anyone make you feel bad about how you do it.

@Polloloco3
And yes, I'm a girl that likes girls.

MuKen · Sep 28, 2005, 11:20 PM // 23:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaklex

Then count me the exception to your opinion(it's not a rule and we're all entitled to our opinions).

Heh, I wasn't intending to make a statement of opinion about...well actually I'm not sure which opinion of mine it is your excepting yourself from. I was merely providing the following advice to the OP: the best people to ask for advice about pursuing women are the men who have tried different approaches, not the women. Actually, zehly might be the best person to ask overall, since she sees things from both sides of the equation

If the OP knows people who have tried to approach the object of his affection(successful or not) and are willing to talk, that would be the best possible source of advice, although that's rather unlikely I assume.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zehly

Dancing" isn't about "the MOVES" it's about "the MOODS". It's your body, move the way you want, don't let anyone make you feel bad about how you do it..

I think that depends on the person, some are just natural dancers and are most comfortable doing whatever comes to mind. Some, like me, don't feel comfortable at all unless they have some structure. I needed to know that there is a set of 'moves' that you can fall back on before I ever felt comfortable on the floor, and feeling comfortable is the most important thing of all.

Zaklex · Sep 28, 2005, 11:34 PM // 23:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuKen

Heh, I wasn't intending to make a statement of opinion about...well actually I'm not sure which opinion of mine it is your excepting yourself from. I was merely providing the following advice to the OP: the best people to ask for advice about pursuing women are the men who have tried different approaches, not the women. Actually, zehly might be the best person to ask overall, since she sees things from both sides of the equation

If the OP knows people who have tried to approach the object of his affection(successful or not) and are willing to talk, that would be the best possible source of advice, although that's rather unlikely I assume.

I give up, it is your opinion that the person(whether male or female) you are persuing doesn't know what approach works with them. What you're saying is you don't know what kind of approach a woman should take that would work on you, then I say you don't know yourself. Does that make more sense now.

MuKen · Sep 28, 2005, 11:44 PM // 23:44

What I'm trying to get at here, is that this is a question of general strategies, not specific people (although I'll admit that you're right when you say I don't know myself

). Overall, the advice you get by polling the group of people who try different approaches and see what works will be better than the advice you get from the people who are on the receiving end of that.

For example, let's say you want to know how to cook well. You could ask the patrons at a restaurant what cooking techniques seem to produce dishes more palatable to them. Of course some of them will be knowledgeable enough to tell you, but by and by most of them will have no clue. Or, you could ask the chefs who cook all the time and are told by the patrons which dishes they make suck and which dishes they make are good.

zehly · Sep 28, 2005, 11:58 PM // 23:58

Ok, here's what I've thought of.

Yourself
-> Be yourself. Why? Because the more time you spend hiding who you truely are inside, the harder it's going to be for you to explain. That's not to say, however, that during the course of a relationship, you can't change WHO you are.
-> Know yourself. Why? Because if you don't know who or what you are, no one else does, and that's that.
-> Ask yourself. What? Ask yourself the questions that you think people would ask of you. This goes with Know yourself.
-> Love yourself. Why? Appreciate who you are, and appreciate every ounce of your soul, because I can tell you that you only get one.

The Person
-> Ask the person. What? Questions to see what they are really like. It doesn't really matter what you ask them in the beginning. Break the ice. Don't be afraid of saying something stupid--they're just as afraid as you are, and if they completely reject you for saying something stupid (when being stupid isn't your inherent nature, mind you), then you probably wouldn't want to see how they react when you say something serious.
-> Know the person. Why? Because looks really aren't everything. I've been told time and time again by people how pretty I am, but if they really knew how neurotic I am, they would know not to make the mistake. If you don't know the person you desire, then do you even know WHAT you desire?
-> Treat the person. How? With respect, dignity, and with care. Each individual is different, but we all want kindness (with the exception of few

). Think about it. Would you really want someone to treat you like crap?

Overall
-> Know the limit. Of what? Of when to give the hell up. Sometimes--women in particular--like to play hard to get. I guess that's in our nature. There is a difference between harmless pursuit, and borderline stalking. The truth is, if they don't want to be with you, then it's hopeless. You cannot make someone like you, as much as you want to.
-> Be sure. Why? Because you never know who a person really is in the first three months. I've heard stories of couples who got married after 3 months, and have been together for 75 years. That's wonderful. What I've heard more stories of is people that get married after six months, have a child, divorce, and have a bitter relationship. It's sad.
-> Mutuality. WTF? Is that a word? I don't know, I just came up with it. What I mean to say is, you have to have mutual understandings. Keep no secrets that could affect the other person. Unless you work for the NSA. What I'm saying is, talk to eachother, and not just about sex and getting drunk.

----------------------------------------------
Here is something of importance for you:

(In English)

"What do you do," Mr. K is asked, "when you love someone?"
"I make a blueprint of the person," Mr K. says, "and see to it that they both match up."
"The blueprint should match the person?"
"No," said Mr. K, "the person should match the blueprint."
- Brecht

(In German)

"Was tun Sie", wurde Herr K. gefragt, "wenn Sie einen Menschen lieben?"
"Ich mache einen Entwurf von ihm", sagte Herr K., "und sorge dafür, dass er ihm ähnlich wird."
"Wer? Der Entwurf?"
"Nein", sagte Herr K., "Der Mensch."
- Brecht

~~ Lain